I never knew quite what you were, and for a time that you were at all.
I remember hearing of you, they said that you existed.
& I remember now him saying that you don’t.
I don’t know if you’re anywhere now.
I suppose logistically-practically it doesn’t matter.
I love a part of you that once loved my father.
& viche versa. My father once loved a part of you.
perhaps all of you.
I love the part of you that made my sisters, even if I may not love fully my sisters.
I love any moment that you loved at all.
And I despise every moment, every part of you that ever made my father feel any less than exemplary.
Because juxtaposed, he is.
And he was by your side. I hope you knew that. That there was a man that loved you as he hated so much of you, or loved you when he hated you once.
Goodbye phantom-woman-wife death. Mother of my sisters, once partner to my father.